I considered not to post today as I’m struggling to be thankful and positive for anything. But I know there are dear friends and family that would be worried if I didn’t. This morning, Chris woke and was a bit confused this morning. Throughout the day his confusion would come and go but he was withdrawing more and more as the day went on. He quit answering my questions and would sit with his eyes closed. He didn’t want me to touch him and said my kisses were too much. He was very restless all last night and throughout the day. which resulted in very little sleep for either of us. Every 2-3 hours he wanted to sit up (which he cannot do on is own) and then sit there for 10-15 minutes. I can do this during the day, but at 4:00 AM I was riding the struggle bus a bit.
When our hospice nurse came, she could see his constant moving and trying to get comfortable. She said it’s Terminal Restlessness Syndrome and is part of the process that can happen. She also noticed a difference in his alertness from when she saw him before the weekend to today. And when she saw how he didn’t greet Preston when he came home from school, she could see the hurt we were feeling. This gal doesn’t just treat her patient, she treats the whole family. She took time to explain not just to me but to Preston as well that this is a normal digression and yes he has taken a turn since last week. She explained that he will probably get more and more withdrawn and to realize it’s not our Chris but rather this process. That we may get glimpses here and there of our guy but not to take offense to the other times when he isn’t himself. And I knew this and completely understand, it’s just hard to go through it.
So today, I struggled. I struggled to see a shell of a man who was so flipping intelligent, so full of energy and passionate about what he believed in and yes so incredibly bossy just sitting there, with his head hung low and eyes closed not responding to anything I asked. I struggled today because even though I’ve been saying a long good bye for the past two weeks, today I realized that the spirit of my guy is no longer with us. And that’s really really hard to accept.
I’m so sorry Kellie. While this is the normal progression for Chris, this pain is surely excruciating for you. My heart breaks for you and I think of you continually. You and your boys are in my prayers. Love you.
I’m so sorry that you are going through all of this. I really wish I lived close to you because I am a night owl that suffers from insomnia and would totally be willing and able to sit with Chris at night. As always I will keep your family in my prayers.
Kellie, my heart just breaks for you and Preston. You have had an Amazing strength and spirit thru this process. You have managed to keep things going forward for Preston, all while taking care of Chris in his last days. You have done all this while suffering with your own broken heart. I can only imagine how hard this must be.. Please know that you are in the thoughts and prayers of many people right now. If you ever just want to talk to someone or just vent or scream, I will listen.
Oh Kellie, So sorry that you are having to go through this…. Chris’s true spirit will always be with you and Preston, he loves you both so much! Unfortunately, you have to dig a lot deeper for it right now. You are constantly in our thoughts and prayers
I’m struggling to find the right words to say. I can’t even imagine what this is like for you and Preston, especially after Chris has fought so hard to hold onto his spirit as long as he has. It has to be the hardest thing in the world to have a front row seat for all of this, and you are carrying yourself through it all better than most people ever could.
You said that you almost didn’t post because you couldn’t find many positive things to say, but it’s good that you are sharing. This process and journey is as much about you and Preston as it is about Chris, and you deserve the support of everyone who is following your story, not just now, but in the days and weeks to come.
You have all been strong and brave, but your honesty and transparency here is also strong and brave. I feel so sorry for all that you are going through, but know that I will never pity you. I have found a new admiration for you through all of this and have to say that Chris couldn’t have picked a better partner for life than you.
My dear friend, our hearts are just breaking as we read this. But I am struck by your courage and devotion, please know that the creator of us all sees your heavy load.
Solomon 8:6 7 says that” Love is as strong as death is, And exclusive devotion is as unyielding as the grave. .. Surging waters cannot extinguish love, Nor can rivers wash it away.” We are praying for you for continuing courage and peace. Be strong dear ones. All our love for you
♥️
Oh Kellie I am so sorry for the pain you are going through. Even though this is the process it is so painful to watch. My heart breaks for you. I know God is with you and that your love and compassion has been a blessing for Chris and Preston.
I am continuing to pray for all of you.
Sending love Kellie. Much, much love.
Keep posting Kellie. This is a good release for you. You are in my prayers.
Kelly, I just took Dave to airport. One last goodbye he asked to give Christopher. I think of you every day and hold you in my prayers. You are and Angel wife. I am sorry you have to see Chris go this way. You have lots of memories and friends to remind you of the amazing man Chris is. Love you
Kellie, I think of you and talk to God everyday about your situation. We care about you.
Thought of you last night as max asked me to read him “one more” book. He chose curious George and the birthday surprise. Preston gave us that book! Love you guys! And have appreciated your generosity over the years as your neighbor.
It must be hard for you to write every night but maybe this is a way to release the pain just a tiny bit. On the selfish side, I read this every day and feel connected so thank you. Love and hugs to you all.
Hugs and prayers. Love to you all.
You need to come in , and punch, and kick something. Been through this 3 times. Remember all the good, and don’t take anything personal right now. You know the best of Chris.
My heart is breaking for all of us, but especially for you. I am sending my love to you and Preston and Chris.
Sending love your way Kellie. My heart breaks for you and your family.
Kelly
Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. If you need anything please call or email me. We are only minutes away from your house. Jeanette just called to let me know what was happening.
Kellie, I know that I have not been on here as much as I would have liked but know that my heart is with you and Preston and Chris. Sometimes in the past, I have gotten the sensation at times like this, that the soul has already gone to heaven and the loved one is already looking down. It’s just his body that won’t let go quite yet.
Know that Chris’s soul is at peace and is with you and Preston, now and always.
Thank you for your words of comfort. I do agree with you. And thank you for all your wonderful care for my guy. You two were a great team!
Hurting for and caring about you all at this time!
Sending love and hugs to all of you. My heart is just breaking for you. ❤
I’m so sorry Kellie- the three of you are constantly on my mind. xoxoxoxo
Kellie & Preston,
I’m so sorry for everything your family is going through.
I’m amazed by your strength as a family through this whole process it’s a true testament to your love & commitment to Chris. I wish there was something I could do or say to make things better. Just know you have the love and support of so many people to help you get through this.
Love, Derek & Nichole
Kellie,
Sending you ❤️. Those nurses are amazing to talk to Preston and you and explain the transition.