Today we received the news that we knew was coming but never wanted to hear. Hospice said Chris has moved into the “Actively Dying” stage. They are estimating 24 – 48 hours.
24-48 hours to hold his hand or rub that head that was bald for so many years now full of soft hair.
24-48 hours to lay my head on his chest and whisper I love you over and over.
24-48 hours to say you are my husband, my love forever and ever.
24-48 hours to see Preston and Tyler hug their dad and say they love him.
I never knew my heart could break into so many pieces over and over. Part of me is dying with him and doesn’t want to let him go. The other is ready as I know my best friend has already left a few days ago. I know in my heart that Chris would not want to be like this. He is so much bigger than this body that he is currently trapped in. I do giggle when I think, “Boy, Heaven doesn’t know what it’s in for.” To our Sandy Pines crew, I’m sure we are all wondering how it will handle Penalty Shots or picking your poison from a brown paper bag.
When I started to care for Chris this morning, I knew in my heart the time was getting very close. Each day he has declined drastically that it’s hard to believe he was just holding a brief conversation with me on Sunday. In front of him, I try to act as though nothing is different because I know if I was upset it would just upset him and he would want to fix it somehow. But this morning as I was getting him up with his morning back rub and meds, I noticed I had to support him sitting up more than normal. He was struggling to reply with yes or no head shakes and his motor skills were very slow and off. My urge to hug and kiss him more today won over and so I did. By the afternoon, after peppering his face, a slow quiet “Why are you tripping K?” came out of a tired face with hooded eyes barely opened. This was my gift today. I giggled so hard and made me pepper his face again which resulted in a struggled eye roll. Grandma Betty was my witness, I got an eye roll.
So for now, I sit snuggled up in my chair next to his bed and wait.
Watching his labored breathing, wondering if it’ll be his last.This my friends is the hardest thing I have ever done. I would care for him a million times over again, but this part here… this part is the hardest.
A dear friend sent this picture to me today and said this is the smile she will hold in her heart. I would agree.
Kelli,
I appreciate you sharing your family’s journey. Unfortunately I had to do the same with and for my brother Dale 18 years ago. My heart aches and breaks for you all. Treasure this time … I know it’s not the way you want to be spending your last days or hours with Chris, but I know you’ll never regret the time you’re spending with him now. I am SO sorry you’re having to go thru this … it just breaks my heart.
I had the pleasure of working with Chris about 10-12 years ago. Chris worked for me for awhile. I’ll always remember Chris’ smile, his pleasant smile, kind word and his always helpful nature! Cancer can take that away!
Mike Fioravanti reached out and shared your message with me. After I left the Delphi account I moved to the lead the Wintel Capability and Mike was a peer and good friend of mine. I could tell when he reached out to me today that something was weighing terribly on him, then he shared the news about Chris … it just ROCKED my world. I have felt like a zombie most of the rest of the day ….
If you get the chance, please tell Chris that I am praying for him, for you and for the boys. Please give him a hug for me and tell him I said thank you for being such a treasure and a pleasure to be around. As I pray tonight, I’m asking my brother Dale to be on the look out for Chris in heaven and to enjoy Chris’ company and kind heart the way we have always done here on earth!
May God Bless you all and be with you during this difficult time! I will pray that God bless you all with peace and grace and bring you comfort …
Much love to you all!!
Oh Kellie, I am so very sorry for the tremendous grief you are facing. What a heart wrenching privilege to love and care for your best friend and soul mate in his final breaths. You have embraced the opportunity to let Chris gently pass in the midst of your encompassing love and in the comfort of home. I honor you my friend and I praise God for how beautifully He made you. I will be continuing to pray for you.
I’ll go to bed now and cry myself to sleep, hoping to have sweet dreams of a man I care for so deeply. I don’t know what else to do or say so good night, Chris and Kellie. ❤️
^^What she said. I’m out of words, but not tears. Beautiful post, Kellie.
As I sit here reading this post, I can’t imagine all the emotions you must be feeling. I am so happy for you that Chris gave you a piece of his old self again today. I keep looking at the pic with he and Sienna. It’s like her eyes show that she is devastated, almost in a panic because she knows what’s happening. It’s crazy how life can seem so cruel, and yet give you the simplist of gestures that now hold you like a warm hug. Gestures that you used to hear all the time, without a thought about it. Thinking and praying for all of you. Sending big hugs your way.
We love you guys sending all our love. Kellie keep talking to Chris. I truly believe that my mom could hear everything until she passed. Please tell Chris that the McLovins love him. Until we meet again my friend!
I just can’t believe this is happening. No words.
I Am one of the lucky people on this earth to work with Chris. We never met in person but even over a phone he touched someone, He enjoyed life and that came through in his work. And now I see in his family. Thank you Chris. You did great!
At these hardest times, when the sadness and pain is at such an all time high, know that God holds you in his hands. Soon Chris will be full of strength, full of joy, and full of life! For death is not the end, but merely the beginning of everlasting life.
On earth we will continue to have our days of sadness and we will hold on to our memories of an amazing man! However, some day we will all get to reunite in heaven.
God has a plan for Chris, and none of us want to share him, but soon he will be free of cancer, free of pain, and full of life, waiting for the rest of us.
Chris, thank you for years of laughs, memories, compassion, understanding, love… I will miss you, we will all miss you, but it will never be a goodbye, but merely a see you again.
Dear friend, so hard. I feel like there is so very much to say yet so little coming out. Please just know how very much we care. Our love for you will continue to support you and the boys in the coming months., and our love for Chris goes with him on his journey.
All I can say is that you are dearly loved.
Kelly you are so strong for sharing this with everyone. Our thoughts prayers are with you and your family. Lisa and I were talking last night and remembering the great boating times with you and your family, from Venetian festival, scotch and cigars at tower, to Preston tossing his toys in the water! Some of our greatest memories of Chris we will forever cherish! God Bless you and family and Chris’s incredible spirit and gifts, he has touched us all.
We love you all so much!!! Xoxoxoxo
I don’t know where to begin quite honestly, but Chris wouldn’t have it that way, not knowing what to say, nope, he’d probably to tell me to stop being a knucklehead.
The man with one of the most contagious smiles and laughs that I have ever known. A man with the most welcoming of minds and hearts to all of us. A man who is a prime example of the idea that strangers are simply friends you haven’t met yet. Christopher, the memories will live on, you will live on through all of us, especially through your family. The foosball tourneys, the late night poker games, the Medal of Honor gaming at the office of Biggs, the surprise visit for Josh’s bachelor party and white water rafting with the boys. Yeah, you will live on man, you will definitely live on.
Chris, Kellie, Preston and Tyler our prayers and thoughts are with you even though we can’t be there with you in person, we are there with you and the rest of the family, now and always in mind and spirit.
Kellie, like you said Heaven doesn’t know what a real party is yet, that’s for sure.
Love you all.
Kellie, I am so sorry for the grief you are going through. Please tell Chris goodbye and that I love him and thank him for his help and him just being the wonderful man he is. Do not forget you have a lot of support from all of us. I know you know that God has been with you and your family on this journey and he will continue to be with you all.
I love that picture of Chris he has such a great smile.
Sending love and hugs and continued prayers.
Love. To you Chris from me and Andrea and Dave. Kelly my heart is sad. I feel this is very hard to do and I am praying for your strength. I know you can get through this. My prayers for Preston, Tyler and Betty. I can see Preston having the best party ever for Chris.
May God take care of you all and give you all the strength you need.
I am one of the people taking his role on the Company, and didn’t have the opportunity to get to know him better (I am from Brazil). Just had the opportunity to talk to him on these recent days.
I had only two conversations with him, and already knew how strong, and how an amazing person he is.
I wish you all the best.
Praying that you feel the arms of God wrapped around you!
My heart is conflicted as I am reading today day of my dear friend Chris, on my prays is him and his family, in my memories is always Chris as I know him smiling, giving the extra mile, always helpful and supported person, there is no words to give you Kellie, Preston and Tyler a moment of relief of this hard time, God is with all of you in this sad moments and will be forever
Always my friend Chris, with you even in the distance
Oscar Duran
Juarez Mexico
Kellie, please tell Chris we love him. I’m praying for you Chris, Kellie, Preston, & Tyler.
Kelli, Chris is a true joy to know. He and I worked together on the Delphi account. I consider him a friend. He is a good man.
With warm sincerity,
Kate Gorman
Somehow I am not surprised you got that from Chris. He is a fighter to the very end. I will always carry his laughter and smiles whenever I remember him.