I’m so sorry for the delay in posting here. Yesterday was one of my roughest ever and today is not much better. When I woke yesterday, I literally could not breathe and had to step outside. When I stepped back in my breath went away again, I realized it was all the “stuff” and equipment that was left and still sitting out. Everywhere I looked it was cancer and it was suffocating. The support I have had from friends and family has been so overwhelming and I guess so needed. I was able to leave with Preston and not come back until later in the day when our home was put back together and all the cancer was gone.
This morning when I walked into the kitchen to make my coffee I looked at my put together living room and wished with all my might that he was there in that stupid hospice bed so I could say good morning and kiss him again. Even when he didn’t talk anymore, he still moved his eyebrows when I kissed him to let me know he was there.
I can’t seem to get out of bed and walk through our home, not just yet. Hopeful soon. For now, my comfort is staying snuggled in here wrapped in his jacket that still smells like him listening to all the voicemails that I started saving since October because I knew one day I would wish for them. Preston is such a rock, he is so his dad. He checks in on me and tells me that it’s ok to be like this for a few more days and then I will need to get up and start to do something again. I had to get out today to go to the funeral home and that sweet boy asked if he could brush my hair for me. I guess I must have missed that part.
Hopefully, by this Saturday I will have my act together as we have planned a Celebration of Life party for Chris. He did not want a funeral, said it wasn’t him. He does not want people to mourn for him and be sad. Much like why he did not want to tell people of his cancer. He did agree to this party because I said I needed closure and others will too. I am not taking this party public as Chris would want it to be just close friends and family. Again, much like the reason that we created this website to help keep our situation a bit more private. That was Chris. So, anyone who knows of this website, this is your invitation to come celebrate with us. Please don’t hesitate to contact me privately if you have any questions. I’m having a hard time remembering what day it is so I may have forgotten something or said something not as clear as it could be. His party is at:
The Park Club
219 W South Street
Kalamazoo, MI 49007
(269) 381-0876
Saturday the 17th
1:00pm – 4:00pm
This is an open style of party for you to drop in and leave whenever it’s convenient for you during these 3 hours. Preston has really taken over the planning of this party. He wanted to have all of his dad’s favorite foods and drinks with an open bar on hand. He said that Dad loved to entertain and this is his last time being a host, we should make it good. Preston said no sappy stuff. There will be an orange juice toast (Chris LOVED himself some OJ) about 2:30ish.
We hope to see you all there as you have been on this journey with us and it only seems fitting to end it together. I will keep this website up for a very long time so when I need to remember I can look back and see all the well wishes and love that came through here for my guy. I may have the urge to some days post again as it has been surprisingly therapeutic for me to have an outlet for the many emotions that I have been on.
I’ve been told that people feel the need or want to do something for us and I have thought about this for a bit. Chris was much happier when he gave rather than received. If you would like to do anything in his name I know 100% he would want you to make a donation to:
Hospice Care of Southwest Michigan
222 N Kalamazoo Mall
Suite#100
Kalamazoo, MI 49007
Online donations:
https://www.hospiceswmi.org/memorialsdonation/
Place a note, in honor of Chris Simmons. Without their incredible support, we would not have been able to have Chris be in the comfort of his earthly home until it was time for him to go to his Heavenly home. They met our every need before we even knew we had a need.
Again, I cannot seem to find the words to thank each and every one of you for the overwhelming outpour of caring, support, and love you have expressed for us. I could not have done this without so many of you and the rest helped me in emotional support that I could not have had anywhere else.
Thank you!!
Kellie,
I have been without words and it took me until today to wrap my head around what happened to Chris, you and the boys. Thank you for sharing these last moments, the emotions and helping me to accept what transpired.
I missed Chris for a very long time and allowing me to be a part of the last week helped putting things in perspective. He was one of the most genuine and gentle souls I knew and I cherish every memory I have.
My thoughts are going out to you, the boys and if there is anything I can do, please let me know!
Oliver
Love you Kellie
We will see there.
Thanks for sharing your journey. Unfortunately, I had another friend that experienced this a couple of months ago and another on a similar journey. You never know how your journey and journaling your thoughts may help others during a difficult time. I will continue to pray for the whole family.
What a little man that Preston! He is truly a gift that will continue to reflect all of the good that Chris poured into your family and into this world. Your celebration of life party will be a beautiful and fitting way to honor Chris. Don’t worry about having it “together” on Saturday. You know that you will be surrounded by people that love you dearly on Saturday and everyday. You are an amazing woman Kellie. You lived in the cruelty of cancer and never faltered to love and care for your beloved right through to his final breath. God bless you. Continued prayers for you and your boys. See you Saturday.
My love to you and your family at this horrible time.
I wish I’d been allowed to support you and travel this journey with you. There are many of your old friends here Kellie, just waiting to help.
I know you don’t feel it now, but the Kellie I know can do anything, including this. You will get out of that bed, and be the parent that Preston needs you to be. He is only a child. He needs you to be strong now and to let him know it will be ok. So please Kellie…. get up..
Xoxo
Kellie,
My heart just brakes for you and Tyler and Preston. I ve prayed for you every night & every morning for weeks. You all have been incredibly kind to me since I joined the walker family.
4 1/2 years ago when I met you and Chris it was my first trip to Michigan. I believe we rented a room in a sports bar & it was crowded. I believe Chris was the first person to come up to me. As a matter of fact I think he brought me and Uncle Brian a lemon shot. There was an instant bond at that moment. I just loved everything about Chris. He was kind, he was funny, he was handsome, he was an amazing husband, and he was an incredible dad. Everyone saw how much he loved his family. He will truly be missed… Right know it hurts to breathe. It will get better. I love you Kellie.
I’m here if you need anything at all. 864-918-2231
Kelly it has been so hard to find the words for you. I can see how much this web site has helped for you to share the roller coaster of emotions that you have experienced. My heart aches for you. That just sums it up. You are the most amazing wife and Mother and friend that Chris could have. I am so grateful for the life you have had together.
It is hard to find words on a time like this.
I will keep praying for you, a strong and supportive family, and sending you all the positive energy possible.
I am sure he is much better now, free from the pain, free from suffering. His outstanding mind is no longer tied to a sick body.
I wish you get well soon! Like you said… Sadness is so not Chris!
Oh Kellie, I wondered how you were doing. It’s nice to see you on here and know that it’s theraputic for you. There were so many pics of Chris posted today. That must have made your heart smile. I’m sorry that your days are filled with such sadness. I LOVE that Preston combed your hair to remind you of Chris. What a Sweet and Loving son. One day at a time is all you can do. I will continue to pray for you and the boys.And I will come back and check in to see how you are doing.
Kelli, my parents will be at the Celebration to remember Chris with you, your sons, and a host of friends and family members. Chris was like a god brother to me, as we spent so much time together as kids. His dad (JP), and my dad (Harvey Hamilton) were best buds and spent hours on end golfing together. I hadn’t seen him in years, but we kept in touch on FB..
I knew Chris had grown into a great man, and I’m not at all surprised that he was also a great father and husband as I’ve read from your post.
Thank you Kelli … all of your posts kept us in touch and aware of what was going on. Your love was clearly magnified and permeated every posts.
Our thoughts and prayers are with you, your sons, and his grandmas.
We loved him too.
The Hamilton Family
Thinking of you today Kellie!
Dear Simmons Family,
My heart goes out to you. I worked with Chris when I was at HPE and met with him daily – several times a day – for many years. Chris always found a positive when faced with mountains of challenges. He and I used to joke before other people would enter the conference and his laugh was contagious. We shared a passion outside of our profession and that was Jeeps. I thought I had the coolest Jeep and then he sent me a photo of your blue beauty and I knew he bested me once again.
Chris was an inspiration and such a devoted person – no matter what path he was on – he focused all his energy in that direction. Sometimes we disagreed on things (who doesn’t?) – but we always came up with an amicable solution. In the early days of working in HP, Chris was working in the security department and I recall my first conversation with him – he was the only one who went out of his way to ensure my issues were addressed and resolved. I never forgot this and he earned so much respect from me.
The most ironic thing is – just about a week ago, prior to my knowing any of this, I stumbled across some old messages in my voicemail – and there were several from Chris. Instinctively I smiled when I heard them because I know I would have shortly called him back and said “Why are you such a pain?” and he would no doubt laughed that Chris laugh and say “Hey! What’s up man!” – he was one person I never minded taking the time to call.
There are no sympathetic words I can offer that can ever be enough. I do sincerely hope that the emotional pain passes quickly and all that clutter in your mind – is replaced with only the most cherished of things. Like the positive energy Chris always found.
Peace, Strength and best wishes to all of you.