14 years ago today we were dancing the night away, with the excitement of a flight out in the morning to Hawaii. On the plane, we scooted down low in our seats, snuggled next to each other, giggling like we knew the best secret. Every sentence ended with “my husband” or “my wife.” we were so proud of each other and this thing called marriage.

I have flashbacks to our last stay in the hospital when the doctor suggested to think about quality of life versus quantity. You kept your back to me and kept saying how sorry you were that you asked me to marry you. How sorry you were that you were putting me through this nightmare. As much hurt and emptiness that I’m going through now, I would have married you a thousand times over. The adventures we shared during our short time together is more than most have in a lifetime of being married. Are you kidding me? Of course I would marry you!

The hardest part of today is the realization that nobody has ever loved me or had my back like you did. You had a way of making me feel like I was the most beautiful, smartest and special woman in the room. That you got to go home with me. But the joke was on you, you had me at a glance. I got to go home with you and it was our home. The home that we built together.,,as a team. God, I miss those glances.

Your son has taken on some of your trades. Thank God he was old enough to see them, live them and learned them before you left. Today, after school, he jumped into the car and said “Momma-Mull, I’m not going to football practice tonight. Instead, I’m taking you out to dinner. You and Dad always went out for dinner, so I’m taking you out. You’re not going to be alone and sad.” I tried to pull the “your team needs you” but he was so insistent and said he would not take no for an answer – this was important. Gosh, SO much like you! Won’t take no for an answer when you have your mindset.

I may be mushy today but I’ll make it through. Why? Because you told me many times to live. To move forward and to continue to live So my love, that is what I am trying to do. I’m trying to learn and do as much as possible to continue and move forward the life you set us on. Many days are challenging but I hear you in my ear chanting “Go KK go! You can do this!” Then there are some days that are just plain mushy. The slightest memory will set me off into tears streaming down my cheeks.

What I miss more than my husband is my best friend. You had my back always, you loved me more than I imagined possible. Every day, I felt like I had a secret that I wanted to scream from the top of a mountain. The secret was, “Hey, he picked me to marry him! Me! He picked me and nobody else.” Thank you, my love, for making me feel so special and one of a kind. And yes, I would marry you a hundred times over. Happy Anniversary Christopher.