Saturday – He’s Gone

He’s gone.

My adventuresome, wildly handsome, incredibly intelligent and equally stubborn husband who was my best friend has moved onto his next adventure at 11:15 pm. Heaven hold onto your hats.

Obviously, I have never been through an experience like this. I had no idea what to expect. But I have to be honest, it was SO peaceful. Guys, it was so peaceful. 

This morning, I got up to give him his morning meds. The house was still quiet, so it was just him and I. Over the past 24 hours he had grown more and more nonresponsive and quite moving. I was whispering sweet nothings to him with an I love you. He mumbled with eyes closed, “I love you too.” Later in the morning, I was telling him about a conversation that I had with our neighbor and I paused for a moment, and when I did he said, “I’m listening.” There, there was my husband holding a conversation with me for the first time in several days. 

The afternoon and evening went as our norm had been, but shortly after dinner his breathing drastically changed.  Much deeper and further apart. My heart broke for him to go through this. I had done many prayers for him, but at that moment I realized I had yet to asked God to take him. To welcome him into his arms so Chris can see how wonderful his grace is. To protect him and help him over and to make it as easy of a transition as possible.  

My cousin came to sit with me because I was very uncomfortable being alone with just Preston and Grandma Betty if anything should happen. I had heard not so pleasant stories about the breathing getting so heart-wrenching that it becomes hard to watch and hear. I was preparing myself for a long night. We were all set in the living room with Chris, talking about how we thought it would be Braummie his hunting dog that will be the first to greet him. What would be the first thing that he would try to organize and was Heaven ready for his energy. Preston said he was going to go watch some TV for a bit and I suggested to say goodnight to Dad first. P gave him a hug, kiss and said goodnight and hung out in the living room for a few minutes longer. During that time, I heard Chris give a very big breath and that was it. That was it, his face was at total peace. Complete peace. 

The next hour after was the most awful, hardest, excruciatingly hour of my entire life. To have to console my son and myself… I just can’t even. 

The rest was a process for hospice, but here’s the thing. It’s Saturday, our normal nurse is off on the weekends. Hospice said the covering nurse would be here in an hour. No, not acceptable, I have an 11-year-old here. The on-call gal called our nurse to say she did not know what to do and our nurse said I’m going. Later she told me that the on-call gal would have never called, nor would she (our nurse) have had her phone on. The wonderful, going above everything her job calls for came and took charge of all the details to follow. She said doing her job for enough years she’s had some odd things happen that she had no other explanation other than it was the patient. She said this was one of them. She knows it was Chris who made that call happen. That even in his last breath, he was thinking of his family and our well being.

So here I am. In my bed that I have not felt in so long, with my laptop, trying to put a closure to this 21 days that we were told would be a few days at best. Chris most certainly did nothing average or ordinary or half speed. Even in the sight of death, he did it his way on his time. 

I will share his Celebration of life information tomorrow. Right now, I need to try a new sleep that is going to lead into a new tomorrow that quite frankly I’m scared to hell to have.  

 

35 comments on “Saturday – He’s Gone

  1. Words are never adequate in moments like these. We will say though, that our hearts go out to you, and we will always remember the joyous memories that we are privileged to have in knowing and being blessed to have him in our lives!

  2. Kellie you and Chris were so good together and one day you will be with him again. Chris hasn’t left you, he is still there and will always be there in spirit watching over you and Preston.
    I have to tell you I have the utmost respect for you and the way you cared for and tended to Chris’s needs during these last few weeks. If that wasn’t hard enough you would sit down every night without fail and let everyone know how Chris’s day went.
    I am so sorry you had to go through all of this but you are a very strong woman and you are going to be okay.
    Thoughts and prayers to you and the family. Hugs

  3. On earth we mourn, are hearts are all sad, and the days to come will be filled with tears, hurt, and sadness…

    But through all this we have to find peace in knowing our friend, our beautiful, amazing Chris… is now Cancer free! He is now healthy, he is now strong, he know at peace!

    Today we lost an Amazing man, but stay strong and know that the Heavens have gained one!

    Hold strong to your faith Kellie, I know at times like this it maybe tested, but we are all part of his plan, and today his plan was to bring Chris to heaven. Today is not goodbye, but rather a longer wait to see him again.

    Rest In Peace my friend, and see you again in heaven!

  4. I am so sorry, so sad.

    May God bless and hold you all on His arms, giving you all the strenght you need.

  5. There are no words. To all of you, I am sorry for your loss. Chris was a great guy, and will always be missed.

  6. Kelly, you are the best person to have shared Chris Life with. You and Chris made it happen and I am so sad for you and the family. Remember you have so many people who Love and support you.
    I cry every time I read your post.
    Rest In Peace Christopher. You made the best Dad possible and Husband. You have much to be proud of. Loved by so many.
    Love you Christopher.

  7. Kellie, I don’t even have words. Your strength is totally amazing. Just know that you guys are on our hearts and minds constantly.

  8. I can’t even imagine all of the emotions you are wrestling with right now, and through it all you have remained selfless putting the needs of Preston, Grandma Betty, and even us before your own.

    I just keep picturing Chris arriving in Heaven and feeling so relieved that his “body” can once again keep up with his mind. He is free. And, probably already assembling a team and getting to work making sure his family is under the protection of the angels. ❤️

  9. I am so sorry Kellie. Chris was an amazing person. He was so blessed to have had you to so loving care for him. God is watching over all of you and your faith in God will see you through. You and Chris will be together again.

  10. I am so sorry Kellie but on the other hand I am relieved for Chris that his fight is over and he is now at rest.

  11. God Bless you Kelli. So nice to hear he went peaceful. Love and prayers to you and Preston and your family. Heaven has a special place for a special person. 🙏.

  12. Kellie, I am so sorry. I know your pain and it is horrible. You have been so extremely strong, I don’t know if I could have been that rock. Hold him in your heart, you have so many wonderful memories. They said to me only the good die Young when my brother died, (February 10, 2010) been 8 years and still hard. I am sending you hugs and praying for your family. Stay strong! Good speed Chris,❤️❤️❤️❤️💓

  13. I’m so sorry, Kellie. Chris was an amazingly strong man. He will always be with you in your hearts and will continue to watch over his family. I know how much you’re hurting and how hard it is to see your boys lose their Dad, but I also know Chris is now free of the pain and taking charge in Heaven! I will keep you in my prayers.

  14. Kellie,
    I am so sorry, words cannot express the heartbreak I know you are feeling. I will always remember the surprise dinner in the Cootage. You and your family are in mty thoughts and prayers and Chris is in Gods hands.

  15. Thank you for sharing your heart Kellie. My heart breaks for you, Preston, Tyler and grandma Betty.

    You are loved.

  16. I’m so sorry that you lost that amazing man. He continued to love you all as he left on his terms. Thank you so much for the daily updates and making us feel part of the journey and still connected. Today is Bruce’s birthday but instead of being upset, like I thought he would, he said he’s honored that every year he can celebrate and toast to a friend he will always carry with him. Please let us know if we can help with anything. We won’t intrude but will wait for a call if needed. Love you all and see you soon. ❤️

  17. I can’t imagine what your going threw but I’m glad he doesn’t have to suffer we are here for you if you need to talk , cry , vent anything at all Kelly …

  18. Kellie, We all know Chris would want you to have peace and know the love from all of us that surrounds you and your family…He lived life to the fullest, as most of us could not in over 100 years! He worked hard, played hard, and loved with all his heart and soul. Heaven be prepared, because this guy, Chris really is All That Jazz. Love you guys! Rick and Maureen

  19. Well my friend I’m so proud of you. And we are so honored to call you and Chris our friends. Your strength, courage and kindness will forever be engraved in our hearts. Chris is one amazing man and we will never forget him. We so look forward to celebrating his life with you, Preston,Tyler and Grandma and all of his wonderful friends that he loved so dearly. I’m sure Chris will be there in spirit and watching us so let’s do it up right 😉

  20. Oh Kellie, I am so Sorry to read this. He was an Amazing man with a contagious smile. He was the best at everything he did. I will always remember him as the Godfather. From bonfires to being the Grill master to topping your drink off with “ice”. Chris touched so many lives in the short time he was here. He was lucky to have you taking care of him for the last 21 days and before that. I can’t imagine what you must be feeling right now. I pray that you are able to eventually find peace in your new normal. If you need anything, we are only a phone call away. To Preston, Preston, you have grown into a man at such a young age. Your Dad would have nothing less, and you could see that in his lessons with you. He has prepared you for this day. I have no doubt you will take good care of your Mom, the way your Dad planned for you. My heart breaks for you and Tyler both, as you have had to say goodbye way too soon. I will be praying for you all, as you take this next step.

  21. My sincere condolence for your loss, my friend Chris, you Kellie, Preston and Tyler are in my prays, I will always remember Chris with his big smile and his phrase ¨what can I do you for my friend¨ every time when we called many time while we worked together, I will truly miss him as god friend and extraordinary partner

    Rest in peace my friend Chris Simmons

    Oscar Duran
    Juarez Mexico

  22. Kellie,

    Bless you. Take the time you need to grieve with your family now. Our love and prayers are with you guys.

    Matt & Teresa

  23. Kelly you have shown us all what true love and compassion for your husband and best friend truly means. Our thoughts love and prayers will always be with you and your family. Chris hasn’t left, he will
    Be there everyday in the things you see around you. Keep your heart and mind open and you will see him. God Bless You for your fortitude and compassion.

  24. Chris is at peace. After my mother passed away from lung cancer, I was sad, but also relieved because I knew her suffering was over. He is in a better place now, I am certain of it.

    Thank you for sharing these last days with us. My thoughts are now with you and your family as you find your way through this. May you find peace in your own way, and in your own time.

  25. So much love in my heart for you, Kellie. For Chris. For your family. I feel blessed to have witnessed the love, bravery, and humor that you’ve shared with us here on this website. I feel so much gratitude to have known such an extraordinary man. I celebrate him and his journey with you. Words don’t do justice.

    Love from,

    Daniel and the Jefferies family

  26. Love is life’s greatest blessing and the Simmons family has truly made the most of it. You each gave it your all from beginning to end: a powerful demonstration of its dazzling beauty. My deepest heartfelt condolences to you Kellie, Preston, Alfredia, Monica and Diane. Sending lots of big hugs and Fen/Phil Family love to get you through the challenging days ahead. Remember that even in times of great loss, you remain an extraordinary family of generous, glistening souls. Hold on. His eye is on the sparrow…

  27. It’s crazy, I came here this morning to check for an update, only to realize, I guess there won’t be any more. I guess I was also checking to see if you posted how you were doing Kellie. How your day went, to know that you would be ok. But I know you will be. That you are strong and in time, you will find your way and settle in to your new normal. Just know we are thinking and praying for you and your family.

  28. Rest in peace boss, you are now in the arms of God.
    Our sincere condolences to the Family and friends. God bless you all.

  29. May our Lord bless and comfort you and your family. Please. accept my deepest condolences.
    My former boss Chris is now resting with our God.

  30. We are deeply saddened by the news of Chris’s passing. Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Chris will be missed.

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