This morning as I brushed my teeth, I started to look around our bathroom. So many things remind me of you. Some items I cannot bear the thought of getting rid of or changing. Like your work desk that has an obscene amount of monitors on it and your jacket still hanging over your chair. That one, I cannot even think about touching. But that toothbrush, your toothbrush, the one that needed it’s rotating head replaced a few months back but never got around to it, that toothbrush. That was an item that I thought was a no-brainer… until I saw it in the garbage. It just looked so lonely. Like a piece of you was lying in there. I took it out and replaced it in its spot, next to mine and went about my day. Maybe another day, I’ll be able to throw it away and leave it there. Or maybe toss it under a bunch of other items to hide it from view.

The day was filled with more emailing, faxing in and mailing out your Death Certificate. I think I now have one to every entity and it now becomes a waiting game to be notified back. Hurry and wait is the game –  I was forewarned about this. As the day started getting later I couldn’t avoid the stop at your bank to close out your “Fun Money” account. Anyone who hung around us knew we both had these separate accounts that a certain amount of pay each week went into, to do as we pleased with and not have to run it by the other person. “Fun Money!” This one was a bit harder to watch. With just a few clicks, your account that you had ever since high school… poof, gone. I didn’t even realize the tears had started yet again until the clerk handed me a box of tissues. 

Today I realized that I need to get back to being thankful. Otherwise, the black cloud just hovers over you everywhere you walk. So I decided to look for at least one positive thing a day to end these blogs with. Today I am thankful for the pool/spa guy! He took over an hour (yes an hour) this morning to teach me all about ph balance, chlorine, water hardness and softness and alkaline. I felt like I was back in high school science, except my brain was already hurting. This man has a passion for his job and who was I to stop him. Today, I learned how to completely drain the tub AND refill it AND what chemicals to put in to balance everything out. Who knew there were so many steps, I sure didn’t.

But it was nice to hear the spa man say, “Don’t worry, I’ll teach you everything you need to know and well get through it step by step.” It was even nicer when P and I soaked in it tonight. I may not have been able to throw your toothbrush away or sit in your hot tub seat – but I did enjoy knowing that I’m figuring out how to keep that tub running.