Today was a day of challenges but we didn’t give up!
For the past 2 days, Chris has been dealing with this Terminal Restlessness Syndrome as the nurse calls it. It causes him to be so irritated and nothing gets him comfortable. He moves continuously, even when you think he’s sleeping and he’s up every 2 hours. When I say up I mean, “Get me up, I need to sit up.” A few minutes late, “Lay me down, I need to lay down.” Then it’s back to, “Get me up.” A few times the poor guy even yelled out that he couldn’t take it any longer… along with a few choice words that made Grandma Betty come running from her room. The meds were obviously not working.
Our amazing nurse who checks in every morning to see how the night went suggested it was time to bring in the morphine. That may be what he is expressing as uncomfortable is actually discomfort as in pain. She knew my apprehension on using the morphine as anyone who knew Chris knew how anti-pain drugs he was. It wasn’t until these past few months that he used the Precote. His go to was Advil and “work through it.” There was one time while in the hospital that he received the smallest dose of morphine and we both said never again due to how it made him feel and act. But the thought of him being so uncomfortable that it would make him scream out was/is too much to not give the morphine a try.
Fast forward an hour and he was as relaxed as a sleeping baby! The frown lines on his forehead were gone and his whole body was relaxed. He didn’t even snip at me that I had already asked him 3 times if he wanted some water when it really was the first time. It was peace… for 3 straight hours! Then the guilt kicked in for me. Was I over medicating him and not letting him be more clear-headed? Is he mad at me because I’m making him fuzzy headed? Our nurse could see me struggling with this and asked me one question, “If healthy Chris was standing right here watching what sick Chris is going through, what would he say?” My reply, “Shoot me.” Our nurse giggled and said, “Well only if you move out west, but not in this state.” She then went on to ask if healthy Chris would want to see himself yelling and being short with his family or be completely relaxed in a medicated state? She had a point and it’s made it easier to handle giving him the morphine.
The reality is, this part here, of having me take care of him in ways that no man wants to have their wife do for them is Chris’s worse nightmare. He didn’t want to live this part. So if I can make his reality a bit more bearable by giving him the morphine, then it’s what I’m going to do.
To end with something positive today. We all know of the love affair that Chris has with his blonde gal. This melted my heart as it was during a time that he was having a fit. Siena was able to distract him for a few moments and gave her daddy a little relief.
Kellie: your strength through this is truly inspirational!! It is nice to see Siena helping. Dogs know..
It is great that you have hospice there to help you reason with what you are going through and need to do. I’m sure heathy Chris would approve!
The picture of Chris with Siena is so sweet. He has a couple of great blondes in his life!
Kellie, thank you for the updates, everyone here at the office are always asking me how Chris is getting along, having this site now allows them to be able to send that message to him. We all have so much respect for the work he does and the passion he has when he does anything here. He is an amazing guy! Lovely pictures and truly love Wednesday’s pick of the day with Siena! You, yourself have also inspired many with this. God Bless.
The picture of Siena and Chris is sweet. I am so glad you have such a great hospice nurse. Your strength and grace during this difficult time is beautiful. I continue to pray for all of you.
Hello,
I’m Rui Rodrigues and i had work with Chris for the past 12 months (more or less).
Normally i don’t like to post comments, but i decide to open one exception. This exception.
I’m very sensitive to all of this. My wife is dealing also with a cancer and we learn to live one day at at time. And with 4 kids, sometimes is not a easy task to be always “great” and “strong”…
Just want to say that Chris and his family is in our (mine and my wife) prayers.
Always keep the faith.
From Lisbon, Portugal
Rui Rodrigues
As I will pray for you and your family. Thank you, Rui.
You are a hero Kellie too. So is Chris.
Thank you for sharing the touching photo…so very sweet. You are doing the right thing Kellie…morphine is completely appropriate for the treatment of terminal restlessness. You know that I have cared for many palliative and hospice patients as a nurse and as a nurse practitioner. I have never seen a family member express regret over using small doses of morphine to ease the suffering for their loved one. Continued support and prayers for you all.
Siena knew she was needed. Made me cry a bit but still loved it. Sounds like you have a great nurse who knows what to do and what to say. They are blessed with a special gift. You take care as well as possible and let us know if you need us. ❤️
Dear Chris & Kellie,
I start and end each day reading your post and praying for you, Chris & Preston. I think our lives are a journey here on earth, and we are each molded by the experience we have and the people that we encounter. I think we can all think of people in our lives that had an impression on us or taught us a lesson. Then there are those people that leave a lasting imprint…changing our thinking, beliefs, causing us to stop and re-evaluate how we are living our life.
You and Chris, have given us such a gift, by inviting and allowing us to walk through this challenging chapter of your journey. You have left a lasting imprint on my life. You have opened my eyes to finding something to be thankful for in every situation, to enjoy and cherish the small moments, that we so often overlook. To accept the painful times, but also be free to say and feel “this is shitty” (my words not yours). You have caused me to stop and re-evaluate my priorities, how I use my time and words. Thank you for this gift!
I continue to pray for God’s mercies, comfort, and peace to guide you, Chris and Preston during this very difficult part of your journey!
Kellie,LOVE the picture! There is a reason dogs are used for therapy. I believe they are very intuitive. We chose to use morphine to help dad through and I truly believe he would have chosen that if he could have. You continue to amaze me with your calm and sometimes entertaining posts. Stay strong.
That photo is so sweet of Chris and his girl! Kellie, what a sweet, thoughtful and kind wife you are. Trying to keep in mind what Chris would want and trying to do what is in his best interest, is a hard position to be in. I really am impressed how the hospice nurse helps you through this process.
You are a good wife and mom, don’t forget that!!
That photo is great❤️🙏🏼
Kelly your strength and compassion for your husband truly warms my soul. Speaking from my own issues, so not feel bad giving meds, I am stubborn just like Chris which know. I fought pain meds forever but sometimes it just needs to be done for you and the patient. It’s not harmful or bad to lessen anyone s pain anxiety. You are truly special women and wife. God you bless you and your family
Caleb 8 and Erika is 11 now. If Preston would like to come over and play this weekend we would be happy to have him!
Hello, I worked with Chris for HP on the Delphi account. Please let him know I am thinking of you all and praying God gives him strength during this difficult time.
I am writing with you Chris to express all my gratitude for all the time we expend working together, I learned a lot of you, and discovered the great person you are, always friendly and and able to help and support me, I am trying to understand how hard is this time for you and your family and I am praying and asking God for you, I am so far away where you are but please recive a big hug and with it I want to express you my friendship and sympathy for GOOD friend and tremendous person, God is with you now and forever
Oscar Duran
Juarez Mexico
That photo is so precious! Love and hugs!!